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Monday, 02 November 2009

  • Senior Year: The Best Year? Wrong.

    There are a few people in life I never expected to let me down, intentionally or accidentally. Until recently, I expected the occurring events to shift aside to make room for the mending that needed to take place. A few days ago, I realized that those occurring events are causing the strongest bond to keep the mending from ever happening. Now, I am sure things will never go back to the way they once were.

    I don't hate him. That's beyond the point.

    I want to hate him. I want to hate her.

    I dislike her. I'm starting to dislike him.

    I see them in the hall ways more than usual now. They gnaw at my heart more and more whenever I hear their voices remotely close to each other. Their exchange of greetings pushes my previous night's meal up my throat, and I have to refrain from throwing up all over their fabricated faces. My expression changes abruptly. I can't control what my face forms into whenever they come around. I want to grab them both by the neck and watch them squirm -- watch them squirm as my heart has for more than a month now, a month or drifting away from my best friend, a month in which he has only become more of her "best" friend, a month in which I have to pretend nothing what so ever is wrong in the meetings, while she waits outside.

    All for what?

    Nothing. For nothing. Absolutely nothing. Four years of wasted time. Four years of wasted friendship. Four years of my effort wasted, so he could throw it all away in a matter of days.

    For who? For her.

    What about me? The one person who stood by him without question, discarded. The one person who believed him completely, discarded. And, what am I left with? A worthless necklace that symbolizes nothing but a broken promise.

    The only advice I have for her is: Be careful, dear. He's more synical than he appears. Don't get to attatched, and, if you do, be ready for your heart to be ripped into a million tiny pieces and the help of no one to pick them back up -- or mend them back together.

    As for you... asshole. Have a nice life.

Friday, 11 September 2009

  • Senario

    They knew each other for a very long time - four years to be exact, and all four years were spent in highschool. The years that "adolecents" make friends that could last a life time. The years where you find out who your true friends are. The years that can be the biggest emotional rollercoaster of a lifetime.

    They were practically bestfriends. She told him everything. She confided everything in him, and he, in turn, offered his amazing advice. The advice that never failed to pick her up, the advice that was so immacuately perfect, yet unplanned, that she felt put her in the right hands. The hands of her bestfriend, her "brother."

     

    Him: I have to tell you something.

    Her: What is it? Is everything okay?

    Him: Well, sort of. I don't want you to have the wrong impression of me. I don't want you to... I don't know how to say it.

    Her: Well, just do it.

    Him (Calmly): I never really wanted to be your friend. I was kind of dared to be your friend. My friends were messing around with me and dared me to talk to you, so I did.

    Her: ...

    Him: Well...

    Her: I don't know what to to tell you.

    Him: I don't want you to keep relying on me. Everything you've ever told me in the past that was a secret was passed on to someone else. I guess you could say I was using you. I guess you could say we were just a joke.

    Her (Shocked): So, you're telling me that our so called friendship was just a big game to you. All the things I confided in you meant nothing to you. All the times we spoke was only the effect of your stupid friends. They ones that you actually call friends, unlike me. I'm just a piece of trash to you.

    Him: ...

    Her: All the times I cried in front of you, were moments of enjoyment for you. All the times I told you I loved you and you didn't reply had a reasoning behind them. Everything was just a big fat lie. You were a big fat lie. But, I suppose you don't care. Why would you need to care? You don't. There's no remorse behind the actions you've commited. The dagger you have stabbed me in the heart with is exactly where you wanted it to be. You planned this. You planned the whole thing. Four years of my life I have wasted on you. Four years of my life I have devoted to being your bestfriend, in turn for nothing? And this means nothing to you?

    Him: No, not really.

    Her: (With a shaky voice)Well, then I suppose this is where we part. This is where I go my way, and you go yours. This is where I step back and say, "Nice to meet you, friend, or shall I say traitor, and bid you farewell," while I shake your hand.

    Him: ...

    Her: Then, that is exactly what I shall do. (Steps back and puts out her hand) Goodbye. May the road take you where it must, and may that place be exactly where you want it. May your life be filled with happiness and bless you with a beautiful wife and beautiful children. And, may you, in the far future, remember all the good times you had destroying my life with a few words. And, I hope that I can pick up these broken pieces of my heart and mend them back together one day. So, I will take my heart and walk in a different direction from the one you are planning to take, and try to never cross your path ever again. And now, I bid you farewell. (She walks away.)

    Him: (Whispers) If only she knew how much I really loved her.

     

    Except, there was a reasoning behind it all.

     

    Tune in next week to Senario TV!          

    I just can't figure out an ending. lol.

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Sunday, 12 July 2009

  • The Internal College Debate

    The title = I could think of nothing better.

    So, it has been brought to my attention that everyone in the whole wide world has taken the damn SAT but me. And, now you're thinking, "Oh, it can't possibly be that bad."

    Fine. I will let you into my thoughts. (Brace yourself people, you're in for a bumpy ride)

    I was talking with one of my "college" friends, I call them this because they are the people that I see every summer at UHD (University of Houston-Downtown), and he brings up the SAT.

    Yes, the one placement test that tells the whole college community whether you're stupid or brilliant, and to that one school, which you've been dreaming of your whole life, there is no middle ground. You're either good enough, or you're not.

    Anyway, he mentioned it, right? So, here we go. "Ugh! I haven't even taken the SAT." Yes that's me. The irresponsible one. The outcast in the world of SAT test takers.

    The whole day I pondered over the consequences that were brought because of my lacking attempt for this simple little test.


    My teacher "shot" us an email last month informing us of our assignment when we get back. We must write a thousand essays that will accompany our SAT scores to the colleges of our choice for early acceptance. Well, that poses a problem for me.

    I haven't taken the damn SAT!

    Which means. Because I have not taken the SAT, for whose deadline I missed every single time, I will not be able to apply early, which means I will not get the pleasant reassurance of being accepted to the college of my choice like the others in my class, which means I will have to wait until the near-end of the school year to get that "Yes or No."

    So, I have come to a conclusion. I must sign up for the SAT in October and study my a** off this summer so that I can get accepted into Rice. And, do you know what score I have to get in order to get accepted into Rice? A 2100. Yes. A 2100. One more time. Twenty-one hundred. Okay fine, this year it was 1960. But, the range continues untill 2280. So, im being safe. I need a 2100.

    Doesn't that just make you want to jump for joy? Come, jump with me because of all this happiness. Oh, yipee!

    So, I get one chance and, probably only one, for this damn test. And, my dream is Rice. Rice would complete me. Rice would be the cherry on top.


    Let's go over this one more time.

    Lack of test taking = No early acceptance = Peril, Doom, and whatever else you can think of.

    October SAT= One Chance

    One chance which leads to two things.

    Either I'm brilliant OR I'm not.

    Take Your Pick.

     

Sunday, 07 June 2009

  • I call this: "Relaxation" 2009

    Notice the quotation marks, they make all the difference. Meaning, I don't really think this summer will be filled with relaxation. More like-- Dual Credit Classes!  ...  

    Good news though!

    My life is slowing down, less road bumps, less tears.

    I'm sort of anxious towards this summer, this year, school year that is.

    I'm taking actual college classes this summer, and i'm scared and excited at the same time. I don't know which feeling to settle for. I'm scared that it'll be a shortened version of this past year with the stressing, the piles of homework, and the exams. I'm excited because it's a new challenge and I feel proud that I scored "higher than most" on my entry exam. AND, its back to waking up before six.  Bummer, I know.

    This summer is going to be hectic. I need volunteer hours. I'm considering volunteering at the library like I did last summer. I know, I know. NERD. But, I liked it.  I'm also hoping they need volunteers at the Blood Center. I donated blood two Sundays ago, I believe. It's nice and the people too!

    GAH! And, I need to work out. I'm getting chunky.  It's uncool. Plus, our teacher sent us IB nerds emails with all the work that's gonna be due the first week of school. As if I don't have ENOUGH homework to worry about already. Extended Essay! One of the many flaws of IB. There's so much to worry about, and I'm wondering if there is enough time for everything.

    This summer doesn't seem like much relaxation to me.

    Oh, and did I mention that I was recently informed that my hair was falling out. Yeah. Lady said it could be from stress which I believe is the exact cause of my loss of hair. I mean, who can put up with IB without stress? Not me, that's for sure. And with the upcoming summer, I'm afraid my hair isn't going to be much better.

    Help?

potatoe_91

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    • Name: Patricia
    • Birthday: 9/25/1991
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 12/7/2008

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